My Tea is Lukewarm and Poisoned
by Satoru Fujinuma
Summary: Featuring Sesshomaru x Remillia ― Oh, the tea isn't that important.


"_This tea is lukeWARM and POISONED. Hurry, come hither."_

Lord Sesshomaru was not sure of why Remilia Scarlet would sent a letter to him stating the unusual condition of her tea, nor was he sure of why part of the word "lukewarm" and the word "poisoned" was capitalized. However, he knew Remilia would break her charisma if he did not "Hurry, come hither". So off he went, leaving Rin in Suika and Yuugi's care (though that is not recommended). Kohaku tagged along, for reasons unknown to Lord Sesshomaru. Why would the demon exterminator wish to enter the lovely grim madness known as the Scarlet Devil Mansion? Ah, it was probably a chance to spend some one-sided quality time with Patchy.

Eh, what young Kohaku's heart desired was none of the daiyoukai's business. What was his business was to visit Remilia and demand the meaning of this peculiar letter.

Ah, he wonders if he should have left Rin with Reimu and Kagome. He could already sense the smell of two drunk, rambunctious oni.

* * *

><p>"It was just a ploy, milord."<p>

Remilia Scarlet portrayed herself as a sly, powerful girl – much like Yukari, but worse. Here, she smiled smugly at Sesshomaru's annoyed expression. She talked sweetly and innocently, showing the utmost (mocking) respect to the lord.

"Explain what you mean by a 'ploy'?"

"Do you really think I would be sincere about a letter like that?"

"That was the problem: I had finally believed you have broken down into a senile old woman."

Remilia laughed dryly. "Well, aren't you a fool, Lord Sesshomaru. Tea that's poisoned wouldn't have such a perverse effect on me. This vampire has is basically immune, you know. Besides, if I was ever delivered lukewarm tea, I would demand that Sakuya be sent for psychiatric care. Where is Kohaku?"

The daiyoukai narrowed his eyes. "Don't change the subject."

"With Patchouli. Understood."

Sesshomaru sighed heavily. This was beginning to be a waste of his time, and he was sure Yuugi was letting Rin drink sips of sake. Damn, he should have left Rin with the priestesses. They'll make her work, but they won't get her drunk.

"Why am I here, Remilia?"

Remilia stood up, walking surely but slowly towards the annoyed lord. "You seldom visit the mansion anymore. Meiling misses you."

"Meiling's _scared _of me, Remi."

"Ah." The vampire smiled. "That too."

"Remilia, if I am not needed here, I will be – "

"Wait." The vampire grabbed Sesshomaru's hand. "Do not leave just yet." Remilia looked up at him, putting on her best sad Momiji Inubashiri eyes look. It was easy for here, seeing as how Remilia was quite shorter than Lord Sesshomaru. It added that sweet, childish quality to her already-childish stature.

"_What?_"

"Kneel down, dog."

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes and reluctantly kneeled down to Remilia's eye level. He was sure of three things: Remilia was going to do something childish; Kohaku was probably making ground with Patchouli, seeing as how he has not entered Remilia's room crying yet; and Rin was officially drunk.

"What is it now, Remi - !"

The vampire pressed her lips against the dog demon's. She slightly smiled at the surprise in the daiyoukai's eyes, and was not surprised in the least when he returned the kiss. They parted, looking at each other.

"Sly vampire," Sesshomaru said, smirking, "was this your intention all along?"

"Now milord, you know I cannot reveal such information to you. Now, are you willing to stay a bit longer? You'll be doing Kohaku a disservice to separate him from his visit with Patchy."

"You have a point there. However, I am sure Rin is drunk. I left her in the care of Suika Ibuki and Yuugi Hoshiguma."

Remilia smiled. "Bad dog. I wish to drink what Rin is drinking. You should have stayed a little longer to bring me some sake."

The daiyoukai clasped Remilia's hand. "My apologies. We can leave now to go get some." He smiled devilishly. "Do you mind if your sake is lukewarm and poisoned?"

* * *

><p><strong>This was supposed to be a story about Remilia convincing Sesshomaru to do childish things like pulling pranks on Reimu and Kagome and it ended up being romantic. I don't know what happened, but hey, here it is.<strong>


End file.
